Sleepless nights, childcare and meditation

One thing I struggled with when I first began practicing Eknath Easwaran’s form of meditation was his guidance it should be done early in the morning, when one first wakes up. Ideally, he wrote, one should roll out of bed and immediately sit down to meditate. 

I’d prefer to start my day with coffee, but that wasn’t the main barrier I encountered. His instruction didn’t seem feasible for parents of young children, particularly those with special needs. I’ve mentioned before my daughter is autistic and nonverbal. Irregular sleep patterns are common for people with her diagnosis.

For instance, it’s not unusual for my oldest to be up all night. That generally means I’m up all night with her. In these cases, I need every bit of sleep I can get. I’m not going to set my alarm to meditate at dawn if I’ve only gone to bed an hour before!

Even when my daughter sleeps through the night, she frequently wakes up at 3 or 4 AM. Meditating before then isn’t feasible. So I generally wait to begin my morning routine until after my kids leave at 8 AM. That’s when I face the meditation challenges Easwaran typically discusses, like fidgeting and lack of focus.

But it’s not always so easy. On days my oldest is tired, sick or otherwise struggling, she stays home with me. I love the company, but it can make meditation difficult. I’ll frequently need to pause my half-hour session when she makes requests on her communication device for food or television clips.

I’ve come to accept I will probably never be able to follow Easwaran’s recommendation. Something that’s helped me in this respect is a story he tells from the Hindu scriptures. At one point, I looked for the story in its original form, so I could better understand the context, but had trouble finding it.

In Easwaran’s telling, there is an immortal monk called Narada who looks down on householders. These are lay devotees who try to live a spiritual life in the midst of the hustle and bustle of society. Narada asks Krishna why the divine incarnation is so fond of householders, given their irregular practice.

By way of explanation, Krishna requests Narada carry a lit oil lamp around a nearby temple three times. As Narada begins the task, Krishna summons wind from every direction. It requires all of the monk’s energy and focus to make sure the flame isn’t extinguished.

When Narada returns, Krishna asks him how many times he repeated the divine incarnation’s name while walking around the temple. The monk is forced to admit he was so distracted by keeping the oil lamp burning he didn’t repeat Krishna’s name once. 

The divine incarnation says it’s like this for householders. If they can remember him briefly during the day he is very pleased. I appreciate the story because it shows God’s understanding and forgiveness. He doesn’t hold us all to the same standard. God takes our circumstances into consideration.